In this part of this guidance, I’ll work through two examples - Some of the details may apply to you, some may not, but the examples

are just to show you the process from going from “something is not making me happy” to “I have a plan to improve things in my life”.

 

EXAMPLE 1

 

John is a foreman in a printing works. He is 40 years old, married with two young children. His wife, Jenny, has a part-time job in an

infant school, working mornings only in term times.

John’s Part 1

John created his original list (Part 1 - Step 1) and prioritised them

(Part 1 - Step 2) and his list looked like this:

                                            1. I’m not happy in my job

                                             2. I’m not happy being at home with two small children

                                             3. I don’t have a social life

John then waited for nearly three weeks and re-did his list (Part 1 - Step 3). It turned out like this:

                                             1.  I’m not happy in my job

                                              2. I feel I’m mentally stagnating

                                              3. I don’t have a social life

                                               4. I’m not happy being at home with two small children

John then took some time to merge the two lists together and reprioritise them. (Part 1 - Step 4).

His resultant Life List was:

                                              1.  I’m not happy in my job

                                               2. I don’t have a social life

                                               3. I feel I’m mentally stagnating

                                               4. I’m not happy being at home with two small children

and has identified that his Key Target is “I am not happy in my job”. This was the aspect of his life that made him most unhappy.

John’s Part 2

John next next created his initial list of potential actions (Part 2 - Step 1 )

                                              1. Change jobs

                                              2. Change something about my current job

                                              3. Stop working altogether

He then deleted one action to which he answered “No” when he asked the two questions:

                                     If I start to take this action, do I truly believe I will see it through?

                                     If I complete this action, do I truly believe it will address the issue in my Key Target?

and, as he didn’t believe that he could stop working altogether (entry 3), his Action List (created in Part 2 - Step 2) became:

                                             1. Change jobs

                                             2. Change something about my current job

John’s Part 3

John looked at who might be affected if he undertook the actions on his Action List (Part 3 - Step 1):

                       1. Change Jobs - this could affect:

                               - His wife

                               - His children

                               - His colleagues at work

                               - His current boss

                       2. Change something about my current job - this could affect:

                               - His wife

                               - His children

                               - His colleagues at work

                               - His current boss

So now John looks at what he can do to minimise the impact of his actions on these people (Part 3 - Step 2):

                             1. Change jobs:

                                 - His wife. John decides that the best thing is to talk to his wife early on, to explain to her what he is considering

                                    and  how he will make sure that there will be enough money coming into the house at all times and that the

                                    hours he may have to work are discussed with her before he accepts any new job.

                                 - His children. (depending if they are old enough to understand) John explains that he may be home at different

                                    times from the ones that the children are used to and that he will still spend time with them.

                                - His colleagues at work. John lets them know that he is planning to leave his job and unless he is replaced

                                   quickly, they may have to take some of his work on for a time. He suggests that they might talk to their boss

                                    about getting paid for overtime to do the extra work.

                                - His current boss. A soon as John has secured another job, he gives his boss as much notice as possible so he

                                    can start to look for a replacement for John. (If John has a good trusting relationship with his boss, he may even

                                    tell him when he starts to look for another job).

                               2.   Change something about my current job:

                                   - His wife. John decides that the best thing is to talk to his wife early on, to explain to her what he is considering

                                      and how he  will make sure that there will be enough money coming into the house at all times and that the

                                       hours he may have to work are discussed with her before he accepts any new job.

                                   - His children. (depending if they are old enough to understand) John explains that he may be home at different

                                      times from the ones that the children are used to and that he will still spend time with them.

                                   - His colleagues at work. John lets them know that he is  planning to change something at work (his responsibilities,

                                       his work hours, his role or whatever it is) and it may have an impact on how they do their current tasks. He suggests

                                       that they might talk to their boss to make sure that they are not disadvantaged at work.

                                    - His current boss. A soon as possible, John talks to his boss to discuss how John’s job can be adjusted in order for

                                      them both to be happy with the change (extra responsibility (or less), less hours (or more) or whatever it is that will

                                      make him happier at work.

John now checks that he is content that he can manage the impact his actions will have on others (Part 3 - Step 3) and leaves his list

unchanged.

Next John asks himself:

“If I complete this action, how much positive difference will it  make to my happiness?” and he decides that “Changing something about

my current job” will make make him happier than “Changing jobs”, so he puts his actions in that order. (Part 3 - STEP 4) and created his

Planning List:

                            1.  Change something about my current job

                             2.  Change jobs

John’s Part 4

John now considered how to make a Plan from his Planning List. He thought about timings, any costs and the effort he would need to put

into the actions.(Part 4 - STEP 1) He decided that he could talk to his Boss the following week and ask about taking on more responsibility

in some way. He also thought that he would talk next week to the HR (Human Resources) staff at his work to see if there were any courses

he could take to improve his chances of promotion (and make him more marketable if he wanted to change jobs).

John’s timetable of action (Part 4 - STEP 2) is:

                                   1.  Now - Speak to wife about what I’m going to do.

                                   2. Next week - Speak to Boss about more responsibility

                                    3. Next week - Speak to HR about courses

                                    4. Next week - mention to colleagues about possible changes

The rest of plan depends on outcome of the two meetings (with Boss and HR). John has a short-term plan (Part 4 - Step 3).

He chats to his wife and explains what he is planning to do. She is supportive, provided it does not disrupt home life. 

He meets with his Boss who determines that there is a task that John could take on (a task that John really wants to do).

It will take John an extra 1/2 hour a day (for which John will be paid), but his Boss agrees that John can reduce his lunch break

from 1 hour to 1/2 hour to do this task so John will leave work at the normal time - there is no impact from this on his home life.

John accepts this offer of extra work. His Boss also asks if John would be interested in being on the Social Committee for the

firm (one evening each month for meetings and supporting social events when they take place). John is keen, but says that he

wants to talk to his wife about it first. He chats to her and she is happy provided she can attend some of the social events with him.

John confirms to his Boss that he will take on the role of Committee member.

HR looks at John’s qualifications and suggest that he take a GCSE in Mathematics to improve his CV and his chances of promotion.

They put him in contact with the local college who run evening course for “mature’ students. He finds out that there is a course in

GCSE mathematics running which requires him to attend the college for 3 hours each week in the evening for 8 months and it is free!

John checks that his wife is happy with that and signs up to start the course.

John decides that he will check against his Key Target (I’m not happy in my job) 1 month after he takes on the extra roles at work

and again 2 months after he starts his maths course. He will check again once he has finished his maths course (6 months later).

John has already spoken to his wife (and children, although it doesn’t affect them really) and his Boss. He speaks to his colleagues

to explain the changes for him at work (but it doesn’t really have any impact on them anyway). John starts his new roles at work, and his GCSE

maths course.

One month later, he checks against his Key Target (I’m not happy at work) (Part 4 - Step 4) and determines that with the extra task (and

pay) at work and taking on the role of Social Committee member, he is far happier at work. (The extra task is challenging but enjoyable.

The role on the social committee is interesting and it adds to his social life, plus he and his wife attend (and enjoy) the social events)

2 months after he started his Maths course, John checks against his Key Target again. He is still happy with everything at work, and

he is enjoying the course, knowing that he is increasing his chances of promotion at work and he is also making himself more marketable

if he decides to change jobs. Overall he is far happier.

At the end of his Maths course (and at the end of his Plan) John both checks against his Key Target (still fine) and he also checks whether

he has free time to take on any other actions to improve his life. He thinks he might have, so he tries to generate a new Life List, but finds

that he is now a happy person with no areas that he needs to address.

He has improved his life!

 

EXAMPLE 2

 

Emily is a single 26 year old woman. She works in a supermarket and rents a one bedroom flat. She is single, although she has a on-off

boyfriend, who sometimes stays over.

Emily’s Part 1

Emily created her original list (Part 1 - Step 1) and prioritised them

(Part 1 - Step 2) and her list looked like this:

                                     1. I’m not happy in my relationship with my boyfriend

                                      2.  I’m not happy with how little money is coming in

                                      3. I don’t have enough fun in my life

Emily then waited for two weeks and re-did her list (Part 1 - Step 3). It

turned out like this:

                                      1.  I’m not happy in my relationship with my boyfriend

                                      2. I don’t like the way I look

                                       3. I’m not happy with how little money is coming in

                                       4. I don’t have enough fun in my life

Emily then took some time to merge the two lists together and reprioritise them. (Part 1 - Step 4). Her resultant Life List was:

                                       1. I’m not happy in my relationship with my boyfriend

                                        2. I’m not happy with how little money is coming in

                                        3. I don’t have enough fun in my life

                                         4. I don’t like the way I look

and has identified that her Key Target is “I am not happy in my relationship with my boyfriend”. This was the aspect of her life that

made her most unhappy.

Emily’s Part 2

Emily next next created her initial list of potential actions (Part2 - Step 1 )

                                      1. Improve her relationship with her boyfriend

                                      2. Cease her current relationship

                                      3. Find another boyfriend

She then deleted the action to which she answered “No” when she asked the two questions:

                                 If I start to take this action, do I truly believe I will see it through?

                                 if I complete this action, do I truly believe it will address the issue in my Key Target? and, as she didn’t believe

                                 that she could improve her relationship with her boyfriend (entry 1), her Action List (created in Part 2 - Step 2) became:

                                     1. Cease her current relationship

                                     2. Find another boyfriend

Emily’s Part 3

Emily looked at who might be affected if she undertook the actions on her Action List (Part 3 - Step 1):

                                      1. Cease her current relationship - this could affect:

                                        - Her boyfriend (definitely will affect him!)

                                        - Their common friends

                                        - Her friends

                                      2. Find another boyfriend - this could affect:

                                        - Her friends

                                        - Her current boyfriend!

So now Emily looks at what she can do to minimise the impact of her actions on these people (Part 3 - Step 2):

                                     1. Cease her current relationship:

                                     - Her boyfriend. Emily decides that the best thing is to talk to her boyfriend early on, to explain to him that she is

                                         unhappy in the relationship and that she does not want to work on trying to improve things with him. She knows

                                         that this will be a difficult conversation, but she is quite sure that her boyfriend is not entirely happy in the 

                                         relationship either, so she is hopeful that it won’t be too awkward.

                                       - Their common friends. Emily explains that she and her boyfriend have agreed to cease their relationship (hoping

                                         to remain friends) and that they both hope to remain friends with their common friends. (no-one has to “take sides”).

                                        - Her friends. Emily decides to let her friends know early that they are splitting up, and while she knows that is what

                                          she wants, she also is aware that she may need their support.

                                      2. Find another boyfriend:

                                         - Her friends. Emily decides that the best thing is to talk to her friends early on, so that they understand that while

                                           she may be looking for a new boyfriend, she is doing this at her pace  and does not want to be thrust into a series

                                           of “being set up with someone new”. She will need their support, not their direction!

                                         - Her current boyfriend. Emily decides that she should also explain up front, to her current boyfriend that “at some

                                            time” she will look for a new boyfriend and hope that he understands. (If she doesn’t think he will understand - 

                                            then  she will have at least tried to talk to him about it. 

Emily now checks that she is content that she can manage the impact her actions will have on others (Part 3 - Step 3) and leaves her list

unchanged.

Next Emily asks herself:

 “If I complete this action, how much positive difference will it make to my happiness?” and she decides that, at the moment, “Ceasing her

current relationship” will make make her happier than “Finding another boyfriend ”, so she puts her actions in that order. (Part 3 - STEP 4) and

created her Planning List:

                                         1. Cease my current relationship

                                          2. Find a new boyfriend

Emily’s Part 4

Emily now considered how to make a Plan from her Planning List. She thought about timings, any costs and the effort she would need

to put into the actions.(Part 4 - STEP 1) She decided that she should talk to her boyfriend that week at some neutral location and explain

that she couldn’t see the relationship progressing and was going to stop seeing him. She also thought that he would talk next week to

their common friends and to her friends to explain what was happening and to ask for their support.

Emilys timetable of action (Part 4 - STEP 2) is:

                     Now - Speak to boyfriend what I’m going to do.

                     Next week - Speak to our friends about what is happening and ask for support.

                     Next week - Speak to my friends about what is happening and ask for support.

                     At some time later, when she is ready, tell friends that she is starting to look for a new boyfriend.,

Emily has a short-term plan (Part 4 - Step 3).

She talks to her current boyfriend, and although he is initially upset and angry, he realises that the relationship is not going anywhere and

agrees to remain friends but nothing more. They jointly agree to tell their mutual friends of what is happening. Emily talks to her friends

about the situation too. Emily decides that now she has free time on her own, she will start going to the gym and also refresh her wardrobe

so that when she is ready to date again, she feels confident in herself. She asks work if she can do some overtime in order to fund her gym

membership and they agree that she can work alternate Saturdays at overtime rates (1 and 1/4 regular pay), which pays for her gym

membership and provides extra money to buy some new outfits. Emily decides that she will check against her Key Target

(I’m not happy in my relationship with my boyfriend) 1 month after they split up and again 2 months later after she starts going to the gym

and working overtime. She will check again 6 months later .

Emily has already spoken to her friends and their mutual friends and gets good support from them.

Emily starts going to the gym, and starts working overtime on every other Saturday. She begins to buy new clothes .

One month later, she checks against her Key Target (I’m not happy in my relationship with my boyfriend) (Part 4 - Step 4) and determines

that having finished with him, and going to the gym and buying new clothes, she is far happier. She notices that when looking at her

original Life List, that she has also addressed some of the other entries on the list by accident (She has more money coming in from

the overtime and can afford to go to the gym and buy new clothes and she is happier with how she looks (from going to the gym and

having new clothes)).

2 months later, Emily checks against her Key Target again. She is still happy with everything and he is enjoying the gym, knowing that

she is increasing her self-confidence and making herself ready to start dating. Overall she is far happier

At the end of another 6 months, (and at the end of her Plan), Emily has started going on dates. She both checks against her Key Target

(still fine ) and she also checks whether she has free time to take on any other actions to improve her life. She thinks she has no need to

at the moment, so she doesn’t bother to generate a new Life List, as she finds that she is now a happy person with no areas that she needs

to address.

She has improved her life!

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